i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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