My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
