I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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