Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
