Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
