id be glad to
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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