The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This show inspires me to have sex in space
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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