It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
