you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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