i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
