I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You're so nebulous sometimes
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
