to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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