I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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