the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
