why didn't you poke me back
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
