Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
