What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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