That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
