Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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