At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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