Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he thought i was a dude.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You pole danced in your parka.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize