and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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