his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
