You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
