Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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