had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
