Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
