The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
