I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize