i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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