so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
