dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
