You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
