Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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