We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
