just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
