On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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