my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This baby is an asshole
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
