You kept calling me your small dog last night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
