she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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