Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize