I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
