I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Randomize
