Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize