whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
