in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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