You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
