i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
