I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
