Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
