Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
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