Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
