would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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