i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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