So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
