We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's never too late to be topless.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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