Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
