I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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