Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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