who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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