if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
