I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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