I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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