Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
