Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
