A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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