Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
