nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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