Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
