i jhust puked up my retainher.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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