can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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