Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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