Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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