This girl is more easily done than said...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
