Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize