will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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