32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
