He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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