I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
