We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
