No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
