I smell stomach acid.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize