i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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