as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
