she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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