Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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