I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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