i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize