Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You left your phone here
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