Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
