Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
