I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
