got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
