ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
