My room smells like vodka and shame
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize