Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
