I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
