I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
