i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
time to smoke my breakfast
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
