is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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