i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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