I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I love you.
Bad choice
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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