So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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