Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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