Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
