I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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