so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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