I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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