I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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