dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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