I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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