NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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