I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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